Top 5 Simpsons Quotes that Explain Much of Life

Runner-up) Homer is celebrating the return of alcohol to a previously dry Springfield.

Homer: "To alcohol! The cause of -- and solution to -- all life's problems."

Application: Saturday mornings.

5) Homer is on trial for invading the privacy of celebrities that have moved to Springfield.

Homer: Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively.

Application: Explaining why I know the details of Brad Pitt's love life.

4) Homer is watching a comedian on "Evening at the Improv".

Comedian: See, black guys drive a car like this:
[Leans back]
Do, do, ch. Do-be-do, do-be-do-be-do.
Yeah, but white guys, see, they drive a car like this:
[Hunches forward, talks nasally]
Dee-da-dee, a-dee-da-dee-da-dee-da-dee.
Homer: Ah ha ha, it's true, it's true! We're so lame!

Application: stuffwhitepeoplelike.com (nb: this Simpsons episode was fifteen years ago).

3) Moe is hooked up to a lie detector, which buzzes whenever he lies.

Police: He checks out. Ok, sir, you're free to go.
Moe: Good, 'cause I have a hot date tonight. (buzzes) Blind date. (buzzes) Dinner with friends. (buzzes) Dinner alone. (buzzes) Watching TV alone. (buzzes) Alright! I'm going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. (buzzes) Sears catalog. (dings) Now, would you unhook this already, please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment. (buzzes).

Application: Airport security, where everyone believes they're above this kind of abuse, and they're really not.

2) Homer has just rejected a home security system after learning about the price.

Home Security Salesman: Surely you can't put a price on your family's safety!
Homer: I wouldn't have thought so either, but here we are.

Application: Law and Economics

1) Grandpa Simpson is talking to a teenaged Homer.

Grandpa: I used to be with it, but then they changed what "it" was. Now, what I'm with isn't "it", and what's "it" seems weird and scary to me. It'll happen to you!

Application: My life.

- A